Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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