call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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