Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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