i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he puts the penis in happiness.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize