R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize