Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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