She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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