Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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