well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize