Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
