M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
