My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
