You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
