Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
