first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize