I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
