My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
