Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
