i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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