I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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