haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
