Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
