Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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