I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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