I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
