My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
