i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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