I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
