You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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