he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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