There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
