a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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