I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
