did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
