Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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