Im at strip club and am horny
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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