Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
