im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
