he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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