Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
