i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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