He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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