I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
