Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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