He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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