White coat. Heels.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
