I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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