All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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