they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
