Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
