did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
