This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
