i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
