Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm like, not good at living.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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