We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
