If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Jerry, you need to find god
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
