I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
