I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
