maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
