i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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