He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Two words: blizzard sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize