you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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