So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
